I am so done...

..with this self-doubt bullshit.  I am actually sick of myself!  The whole worrying that I will
DNF (did not finish) at the marathon. 

Yeah, we started Homeland recently...Saul is my self-soubt

Here's the plan...I'm going to run, and I am just going to keep running. When I need to slow down, I'll slow down.  If I need a walk break, fuck it, I'll take a walk break.  If my stomach starts to hurt and I need to find a bush to take a dump behind, I'm gonna do it (and leave an apologetic note).  Then I'm going to smile, tell the pain to, as my mother would say, 'take a long walk off a short pier", and then I'm going to run again.   And I AM GOING TO FINISH. 

That's it--the major epiphany I had this morning watching some marathon YouTube videos:

"Duh, Krissy, just run."

I think this all started after a really terrible 8 miler yesterday that I started off far to quickly, and by mile 4-5 I had forgotten there would be no shade on the route, water was piss warm, not enough fuel in the belly--felt nauseous...   I KNOW BETTER, but out of impulse just went for a longish run without thinking.  That was my fault, and though the entire second half I was like, "I'm done, I'm so done" (because, apparently, I'm a drama queen), the second I got home--had some ice water, and jumped in my chilly pool with all my clothes on (yep.) I said, "Okay, Krissy, that was dumb--so just stop the bitching and get over yourself."

So, just run.  How about that? I've been doing it for over a year now--one foot in front of the other for a long 26.2 miles.  It's cool.  I'm just going to do it--and probably hate myself during it at some point, but then I'll finish--in a week or two forget the pain, and want to sign up for one again.

Also, all these YouTube videos make me want to tape myself running during the marathon here and there...share my experience on a vlog, maybe? These videos are helping me, maybe mine could inspire someone someday, eh?


That's all for now.

Sending out my newly found confident 'feel-good' sparkles out,

Go Fork Yourselves,

Krissy